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Lesley's Odd Little Space
Amusing Things













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Things I've found amusing




























A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders, but there are some good ones. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than....................punch a 5th grader.

Strike while........the bug is close.

It's always darkest before.......... Daylight Savings Time.

Never underestimate the power of ............termites.

You can lead a horse to water but...........how?

Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.

No news is..................................impossible.

A miss is as good as a......................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.

Love all, trust.............................me.

The pen is mightier than the................pigs.

An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.

Happy the bride who......................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is............................not much.

Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.

Don't put off 'till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..........you have to blow your nose.

There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

Better late than............................pregnant.

IT WAS 1987!

At a lecture the other day they played an old video of Lt.Col.Oliver North testifying at the Iran-Contra hearings during the Reagan Administration. There was Ollie in front of God and country getting the third degree. But what he said was stunning!! He was being drilled by some senator; "Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?"

Ollie replied, "Yes I did sir."

The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience, "Isn't this just a little excessive?"

'No sir,' continued Ollie.

"No? And why not?" the senator asked.

"Because the lives of my family and I were threatened sir."

"'Threatened? By whom?" the senator questioned.

"By a terrorist, sir." Ollie answered.

"'Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?"

"His name is Osama bin Laden sir." Ollie replied.

At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.

"Why are you so afraid of this man?" the senator asked.

"Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of,"Ollie answered.

"And what do you recommend we do about him?" asked the senator.

"Well sir, if it were up to me, I would recommend that an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth."

The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all that was shown of the clip. If anyone is interested, the Senator turned out to be none other than Al Gore.






1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

7. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

8. Seen it all; can't remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how living remains so popular?

17. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

18. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

19. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

20. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone will be stupid enough to try and pass them all.

21. You can't have everything; where would you put it all?

22. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

23. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

24. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

25. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries

26. Shin: A device for finding furniture.

27. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in the public schools.

28. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

29. I wish the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

30. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

31. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

32. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.